Category Archives: Hate

Valentine’s Day can suck it

I hate everything about Valentine’s Day. Setting aside that it’s smack dab in the middle of February, which is my least favorite month, everything about it is just plain awful. I have no objections to the fact that it’s a “Hallmark holiday” or an attempt by the greeting card, candy, and floral industries to create yet another day where people expect gifts. Hell, if I had the power, I’d start National Cheese Fries and Chocolate Chip Cookie Day, and make sure that everyone paid proper tribute. I have no issue with the dubious origin of V-Day as a modern holiday, or the massive influence of consumerism in making it what it is today.

What I object to is everything else about it. It is the worst “holiday” ever. It sets everyone up for failure and disappointment. Single? Well, here’s a huge, obnoxious, pink and red reminder that you’re alone, and, oh yeah, why don’t you just go ahead and use this time to think about how you’re going to be alone forever, while you’re at it? Not single? Well, nothing you do (or nothing your significant other does) will be good enough, romantic enough, original enough, or over-the-top enough! Prepare for disappointment!

There’s also the small issue of the fact that, like weddings, almost everything associated with V-Day is overpriced and awful. $75 for a dozen roses? What the hell is that? I personally hate roses (the smell makes me sneeze, and they just strike me as hugely unoriginal), so I wouldn’t even spend twelve cents and some pocket lint on a dozen roses, but every guy in any kind of relationship is expected to fork out absurd amounts of money to send his sweetheart the same crappy flowers everyone else is getting. I love chocolate and candy, so I have no issue with that, but you know what I love more? Half-priced candy on February 15th. I can overlook the pink and red. Going out to dinner? I hope you’re prepared for overcrowded restaurants, terrible service, hastily cooked food, and being rushed out the door to make space for the next pair of suckers.

I’m not one of those, “I don’t need a special day for romance! I’m romantic every day!” kind of people. I’m actually sort of anti-romance, which drives my husband crazy, because he’s a romantic, thoughtful kind of guy. I think I might just be too jaded to appreciate the traditional trappings of what people tend to see as “romantic.” And since Valentine’s Day just takes all of those clichĂ©s and wraps them up into one nauseatingly pink and red package, I just stay home, watch TV, and wait for it to be over so I can enjoy my cheap chocolate.


January, you suck

I’ve recently come to the conclusion that there’s just nothing good about January. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m not the biggest fan of winter in general, but I really think that January, specifically, comes in a distant twelfth in a ranking of the months, in order of awesomeness.

New Year’s resolutions. Face it, I’m sorry, they’re going to fail. Everyone seems to always make the same ones: lose weight, eat better, exercise more, quit smoking, find a new job, go out and do more fun and social things, read more books, try new foods, declutter the house, go back to school. But by the time the middle of the month rolls around, most people are in one of two places with their resolutions: either they haven’t started at all, or they went, full-speed, for about two weeks, and are starting to face the inevitable backswing.

Losing weight? It’s hard, people. So is quitting smoking. Exercising more and dealing with the mess at home is not fun, and takes time, and results are usually slow. Doing new things can be fun, unless they cost money or rely on you overcoming your basic state of entropy in order to get off the couch and actually get your ass to that museum. I mean, I made the resolution this year to learn how to dance in 4″ platform heels so that if a pop star finds themselves in desperate need of a backup dancer for a video shoot or big concert with no notice, I’ll be ready, but watching all the Beyonce videos in the world isn’t going to get me off my ass and into those shoes.

The weather. It’s deep into the worst of all that winter has to offer. Snowy, cold, dark, miserable, wet, icy, and awful. February’s bad with this, too, but January is when you realize that the end of the tunnel is a looong way away.

The post-holiday letdown. Even if you don’t love the holiday season (which I don’t), January has this gloom of misery that’s exemplified by empty store shelves, bare, stark, houses, and the departure of any cheer that anyone may have been carrying through December. Abandoned Christmas trees litter the landscape with their decaying corpses. It’s just… bleak.

What year is this? You end up writing the wrong year all month. It takes a while to get used to the change of a new year, so for pretty much a whole month you’re writing the date as some weird zero/one hybrid number that looks like some sort of alien symbol for “war.”

I feel like January should be great. It’s a new year, a new month, new beginnings. It’s first. It’s “one.” It should be a clean slate, a fresh start, a chance for everything new. But it’s almost always a cold, sad disappointment. I wonder if January in the tropics is the same. Maybe I need to do some research. I mean, you need to have as many data points as possible, right?